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Moving to Australia!

2010-10-13 08:24:36 by AJ

At least hopefully. I'm in the process of getting things set up right now. I'd like to get a work sponsorship because it's the best way to get set up securely after migrating there, but if that falls, I'm just gonna get a job lined up at a machine shop there with an Australian visa, sell my car to add to the money I've saved up, then head down. I'll buy a couple months rent at an apartment before I go so I'm set until I start getting regular paychecks. I haven't stumbled across anything yet that will stop me from doing this.

The big question I have for you guys right now is Sydney or Melbourne? I'm leaning more towards Sydney because it seems a lot more my style. Work hard and party hard. I've heard a lot of people say that people in Sydney are dicks and if it's really overrated, but I've also heard it's amazingly beautiful, there's friendly people everywhere, and the girls are awesome and because there are so many gay guys there, most of them are single. Melbourne has come off to me as a place I wouldn't enjoy my weekends, but more secure as far as jobs and quality of life. Anyone with an opinion on this, please feel free. And if you're one of my NG friends, you're always welcome on my news post comments. Haha.

But I can't think of anything for this one. :( I dunno. Lets talk about how low this chicks tits are on her stomach. Srsly. They're like level with her belly button. When she gets pregnant, they're gonna knock her fucking child senseless on a daily basis.

My old news post is irrelevant to my life now,

April Fools Day Joke!

2010-03-31 07:15:10 by AJ

About 2 weeks ago, I got out of the Army, and my plan was to move in with my girlfriend in Ohio (who I'd only been dating for a week. Dumb, I know.) Well, yesterday afternoon, my naive, easy girlfriend explained to me that her ex-boyfriend talked to her Friday night, and now she wants to try and make things work with him. I thought that was interesting because the Monday night afterwards, she was trying to convince me to move with her to Indianapolis, but that is irrelevant.

I'm not really even mad at her because I know now that she's just the typical blonde dumb shit girlfriend, and that any dude with half a brain could talk her into falling for them. The only reason I was with her was that I thought she was different, (a week is plenty of time to determine that, right?) But now that she has been demoted from girlfriend caliber to girl I'd fuck randomly on the weekend and never call again, and because I'm stuck living here for another week or so until the rest of my stuff finished getting shipped here, (yeah I know. I haven't even finished moving in and I'm already moving out. Don't judge. This is the internet) AND because tomorrow happens to coincidentally (and by coincidentally, I mean an act from God specifically designed for me) be April Fools Day, I figure now is probably the time to pull the April Fools Day joke to tell the grandkids about.

My current idea is to manipulate her into falling for me again and explaining to her that I love her and want to be with her and work things out, followed quickly by a loud and thunderous APRIL FOOLS, and then ask her "too soon?" a bunch of times. I think it's funny because it'll show her how naive and dumb she is and make her feel like an idiot, plus it'll make me feel like a total BADASS. :p I'm open to suggestions though. What do you guys think?

Breaking Bad

2010-03-26 14:59:15 by AJ

Is probably the coolest TV show I've seen in a long fucking time. It's about a high school chemistry teacher who finds out he only has like 2 years left to live, so he starts cooking and selling crystal meth to set his family up for the future. It's kind of hard to get used to the fact that the main character is the dad from Malcolm in the Middle, but once you get past it, the storyline in the show is so addictive it's retarded. Here's the opening scene from the first episode. On AMC every Sunday. Comments?

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Out for a bit.

2009-11-23 16:50:57 by AJ

Not gonna be able to get on NG for a while, so don't be like OMFG WURS MICHELINMAN?! I'll be back. Just got work and shit to do. I'll check in every now and again, so NGSM guys can still pm me about shit if they need to. If I get to where I'm not around enough, I'll throw in a temp to do my job, but I doubt that'll be necessary. Also, I love you guys. :P

Only 15 posts til I was on the top 500 posters too! :(

Needed a break from being mature.

2009-11-16 22:51:10 by AJ


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Needed a break from being mature.

NGSM Redesign Introduction

2009-11-14 23:10:55 by AJ

Introduction Of The NGSM Member/Regulars/Apprentice System

Introduction - A lot of the older members in this thread have gotten tired of the lack of authority in here, and how there is no community, no desire to do well here anymore. In short, the thread has gotten stale and boring. I've organized a new system that should erase all of these problems. 6 months from now, the regular users may feel that this system is stagnant and needs changed out, and they can, of course, do that. That's the beauty of the NGSM. It doesn't live and die as a club. As long as there are people here that post sigs consistently, the NGSM will never die, and can be redesigned again and again to stay fun for sig-makers and to pump out the best quality sigs for requesters. It is under this idea that the voted-in members bring you the new NGSM Memberlist System.

The Memberlist - The Memberlist is the highest level a user can achieve in the NGSM. Members are users who are voted in by the current Members based on sig making skills, and overall contribution to the thread. Not only is a Member expected to make great sigs, but they also must strive to help younger users get better at photoshop by answering their questions and teaching them techniques. That's what being a Member is all about. After careful examination and much discussion, the fully updated Memberlist is as follows:


Promotion To The Memberlist - Members will vote 5 days before the end of every month on who they feel on the Regulars list is worthy of being a Member. When they receive the PM about the voting, the Member will either respond "I don't feel anyone on the Regular list is qualified to be a Member" or they will respond with up to two users on the Regulars list. If a Regular receives 1/3rd of the total vote, including Members who said they don't feel anyone should be a member, and not including members who didn't respond at all, then they will be promoted to the Memberlist. At a maximum, 3 Regulars can be promoted each month, but it is HIGHLY unlikely.

Removal From The Memberlist - A Member will be removed from the Memberlist if they are voted off by the other Members. During the vote when Members are voting in Regulars, they can also suggest a user for removal from the Memberlist. This can be due to inactivity or not upholding the standard. Not because you don't like the guy.

The Regulars List - An Apprentice will be made into a Regular automatically after two weeks of being an Apprentice, assuming no one has objected to this. Regulars have proven that they can handle making sigs while posting maturely, and will set an example for Apprentices. If a Regular breaks rules often enough to catch the Members attention, The Members will vote on whether he be demoted to Apprentice, or receive a temporary or permanent ban from the thread, depending on what the Members think he deserves. The current Regulars list is as follows:


Removal from the Regulars List - Regulars will be removed from the list if they have not posted in the thread for over 4 months, or if the Members vote him/her down to apprentice or vote for a ban. After a ban, a user most go through apprenticeship again. Repeated rule-breaking and consistent demotion from the Regulars list may be grounds for a permanent ban, in which case, a mod will be notified whenever you post in the thread.

Apprenticeship - As soon as a user posts in the thread interested in making sigs, the first experienced user to see them will welcome them to the thread and ask them to read this post, which I will provide a link to in my next post. Ask him if he wishes to join in on posting sigs. If he does, he is automatically an Apprentice. There will be no inspection. Apprenticeship is a two-week trial period. At any time during that two weeks, a Member can bring up with the other Members that he feels the Apprentice is breaking the rules, or a Regular can notify a Member and ask them to bring it up. If this happens, the Members will vote on whether or not to take action, and if so, what should happen to the Apprentice.

Disciplinary Action - If the Members vote that a user needs disciplinary action, these are the options that they can choose from:

1. Demotion: Members can be demoted to Regular, or Apprenticeship, and Regulars can be demoted to Apprenticeship.

2. Bans: If the Members feel you need to take a break from the thread to calm down or grow up, they can do so. They will post in the thread how long they have decided the ban should be, and give the user charged one post to accept the ban. You may post PM requested signatures in the thread, but that it is all. If you have a question involving photoshop, PM a member. If you ignore the ban, a mod will be contacted by all the Members explaining to them that you where fairly banned from the thread and ignored. This shouldn't be a common thing. This is only designed to keep the trolls and ridiculously immature users out. Bans can be anywhere from 1 day to permanently.

NGSM RULES - These are the rules all users will abide by in the thread or face disciplinary action.

1. No +1/spam posting. +1 posting is considered any post that is short, meaningless, or unnecessary. Contribute to the thread by either educated conversation, or posting sigs. If you want to respond to more than one user, combine all responses into one post. Just don't post here to get your post count up. That simple.

2. No trolling. Don't try and pick flame wars with users in the thread. If you want to talk about a touchy subject, that's fine. Be adults about it though.

3. Be mature. You don't have to post huge posts like this one every post, but don't be an idiot about posting either. If you guys turn this place into a chatroom, the Mods are gonna be all over us. All clubs have conversation in them, it just needs to be kept mature. No more of those one word posts.

Abuse of these rules on a regular basis will result in disciplinary action.

Sig Competitions - One thing we discussed that we'd like to do to get the comradery back into the thread was weekly sig making competitions. These will be done, but obey the NGSM and BBS rules while doing so. If you see someone post a really intricate request that you think would be fun for a contest, respond in the thread and say we should do a Contest on that. If a lot of people agree, then we'll do it. You don't need Member consent for a contest. If a lot of you want to do one, just do it. :P

Conclusion - You need to read this entire post if you haven't already. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them in the thread, or via PM. If your name isn't on the Member or Regulars list, than you're an apprentice, and there's a reason for it. It means you need to clean up your act. Follow the rules of the thread or we will come down on you. With all this being said, this should be a fun new change that will be really cool to be a part of.

Welcome to the Redesign everyone!!!

NGSM Redesign Introduction

I am goldfish trainer and so can you!

2009-11-13 13:22:21 by AJ

Want to train a goldfish to be able to outswim the toilet flush? It's very simple, and it only takes one month of training. After you have obtained a large muscular goldfish in its prime, follow these steps.

1. Diet. You need to get him on a diet that will build lean muscle. Simplest way to do that is to fill a glass with muscle milk and place your goldfish in it for about 45 seconds. As he becomes stronger, you will be able to keep him in there longer, but if he dies the first time you put him in for 45 seconds, it was weak of heart. This is a great way of weeding out a weak fish right from the get-go. Make sure that you allow the milk to become room temperature. No more, no less, to help him simulate the transition from his warm tank to the cold toilet water.

2. Training. To begin training, plug a sink and fill it up. Then place a metal screen over the drain and put the fish in while it's still full. Goldfish aren't the smartest creatures. That is the main obstacle to overcome. By using a metal screen, when the drain sucks up the last of the water, your fish will get dragged across the metal screen if he doesn't fight against the flow and manage to flop away from the drain near the end. This teaches them quickly to swim furiously against flows of water. Again, if your fish is weak of heart, this will weed it out. That screen fucks their shit up. Do this at least 30 to 40 times over a period of a couple weeks to get him in shape while adding in proper diet.

3. Final steps. If your fish has made it this far, it is a fighter. It has developed a look in his eye that shows he is a warrior. He's battle scarred, and he's seen combat and conquered. Now, it is time for his final test. Your fish isn't a balanced fighter. He knows one scenario. The sink. As I said, it's not a smart creature, but it has become dedicated. You must make it understand that at any time it can be called upon to fight for its life. To do this, we bring in hell week. Hell week will break your fish down to nothing and bring it back up higher than you ever thought possible.

During hell week, you will wake the fish at 0430 every morning. Place a screen over the sink and turn on both nozzles full blast. Leave him there for an hour, and as the days go by, increase the amount of time he stays in there. As soon as he has completed this task, he can have chow. Take him straight from the sink and place him into a glass of muscle milk. He should be able to survive for 2 minutes at a time in there now. After his two minutes, place him back into his hell week barracks: a cereal bowl which must be placed in a PITCH BLACK space so the fish can't see anything. Also, find an audio track of baby goldfish screaming in pain over being anally raped and play it over and over where your fish can hear it. If you can't find a track, ask these guys to make you one.

At 1800, roughly 12 hours later, you put him in the toilet. The second he hits the toilet bowl use a wooden spoon to stir the bowl. Don't spin it so that he has absolutely no control and is just bashing around the walls. The point of the exercise is to have him be very close to outswimming your whirlpool, but barely not being able to. Once you get bored of doing this, place him in a glass of muscle milk again for 30 seconds (don't give him time to eat a full meal.) Put him back in his ceral bowl and leave him there until 0430 the next morning for wake-up. Any time you wake up to piss though or something like that during the night, slam a spoon up against the side of his bowl a few times to fuck with his head some more. Continue this process for exactly 1 week.

At the end of this week, if your fish has survived, he is a champion. He has a strong will to live, and will surely prevail in his task. Give him two weeks to recover, and see how strong your fish now looks. After two weeks, he is ready.

4. Day of warm-up. Do some basic sink exercises to get him back into the groove of things for a day or two before you attempt the flush. On the day of, place him in a glass of water and put the glass in the toilet so that when you flush the toilet, the water in the glass won't be affected. You just want him to see the power of the toilet. Flush it a few times. He knows the toilet from hell week. It will remind him of the one task he couldn't overcome. He will be determined. Place him in the toilet. He will swim around aggressively. He is in the best shape of his life. All of his training has come down to this moment and he knows it. IT'S TIME.

5. Flush him down the toilet.

Look at this fucking combat killer. He's ready to go. The finished product.

I am goldfish trainer and so can you!

I miss Alaska

2009-11-08 16:51:10 by AJ

Especially Alyeska. The lower 48 sucks my ass.

I miss Alaska

A song for the furries

2009-11-06 10:55:24 by AJ

Fuck you and fuck your mom.

A song for the furries